Things became completely weird after Annie died and then got resurrected somehow. Part of me believed that Annie never died she was simply pranking me but for her to lay that still for several hours without her sides shaking in a noiseless laugh was difficult for even Annie. Plus there was the fact she looked moth-eaten and dirty and she smelled really bad like rotten eggs and bile that sat in a hot car with ketchup on top. But she had taken to eating that so… I just didn’t believe in all that hoo ha.

I mean it happen in movies and books not in my life, however I had a junk yard in my back yard, a never-ending back yard filled with the nonsense of my cat and we couldn’t even get rid of any of her stuff and use the back yard for something else because if Annie died she had somehow returned and was in her princess bed recuperating from her ‘ordeal’ as she called it and somehow blamed on me.

You see I had gotten up to use the bathroom and seen Annie gasping for air and then she was gone. Annie claim it was not old age that had gotten her. She claimed she was choking on a fish eye and had I attempted to save her, none of this would have even happened. That was why I was in the kitchen cooking 24-7 making up for the hours she had been unable to eat…”BECAUSE OF YOU SLAM!” she screamed.

Annie Jr. was still running around the house screaming, “My mom-mom died!” Annie would hug him while Annie Jr. hugged her back but with only one arm because he had to plug his nose against Annie’s stench. Annie would glare at me and his, “SEE SLAM! SEE WHAT YOU CAUSED!”

People kept visiting paying their last respects to the open ground and the flung to the side cross we had used as a marker. I had heard about that too. Despite the fact Annie wanted to be buried in a walmart bag she really was disappointed in the fact that I had not spent millions on a something a little more monumental like something made out of gold and several stories high with a cross on it. “I could have rented some rooms in something like that….Annie Tower,” she mused closing her eyes as if dreaming about the money she would make.

Then the visitors would come visit Annie spending several hours reminiscing their favorite memories of Annie; with Annie. “It’s true, Slam,” she remarked in between guests, “People visit you more after you’re dead.”

I still was not convinced that Annie was being honest, but there were a few things that made me wonder if she was, like the fact she always felt cold even when she was wearing her feet jammies and the heat index was 106 in the shade.

I also discovered that she could be in two places at one time. She was sitting right next to me watching family feud which she previously detested while at the same time streaming a live video with her mother, phil and annie jr. It wasn’t a clone she used either. I was able to tell a clone from Annie and so was her mother. It was doubtful she had improved her skills.

She had a somewhat different outlook on things too, claiming she was never able to meet any of her goals like have me or Aunt Paulie become hoarders or become 600 pounds, and now with nothing restricting her like morals or values or hygiene or health, because she was dead; she was out to live the reality lifestyle.   She was going to hoarde and gain 598 pounds give or take a few.

She and Duh-Wayne even went to see Don when he came to town.   Not only did Annie pay the $1000 entrance fee, (Annie was tossing money away like a drunken sailor; she had a huge life insurance policy made out to herself in the event of her death and she was plowing through it like a sharpened snow plow on a pile of soft snow),  she also joined the crowd of Trump supporters.   Duh-Wayne bought a cart load of cheese puffs and they made a cool sign, Annie tossed cheese burgers into the street as the limo went by and Annie Jr. was across the street selling balloons shaped like a fat guy in a diaper with gold hair to the protesters.

A good time was had by all except, Curry’s husband, Chuckles got caught in a traffic jam  with all the chaos going on, but Duh-Wayne snapped at him, “Shut ya pie hole, it made Annie happy.”   Duh-Wayne had taken Annie’s death really hard and he was glad to have her back and defended her every whim.

If Annie wanted a large mouse tail pizza in the middle of the night, Duh-Wayne some how got it.   If Annie wanted to go root around in the trash at the second hand store or troll streets on garbage night, Duh-Wayne and Spam drove the old red truck slowly aroud while Annie and Annie Jr drove behind on their scooters, stopping to rummage through things then wave to Duh-Wayne to come load something up.

Slowly  our house began filling up and Annie somehow kept adding more space which was the real reason her hoarding never worked.   She made room for that truck load of old discarded clothes with the worn out sleeves and stains and missing buttons and snaps that would fit absolutely no one in our house not that anyone wanted to wear them other than Annie and now, sometimes she did.   She had this magical sense to tell who at owned the clothes before her.   “Old Bessie’s house coat, she died wearing this,” Annie explained wearing a bright yellow wrapper with a huge brown stain on the back.

She made frequent trips to the past.   She adored going to visit, “grandma aunt loose wheels”; my mother when she was a young girl in the early 50’s and she started wearing poodle skirts, saddle shoes and chewing gum.

Days somehow seemed to drag on endlessly with just a constant switch of Annie going from one thing to another like someone just flipping through the channels.   I knew the death of Annie was going to be difficult for me but I could never have imagined all this.  Not to mention she met lots of dead folks now that she was dead and they visited now as much as all the other people who had visited when she was alive.   It was constant chaos.

One morning Annie wandered out in a pair of old overhauls that were shredded on the bottom and a straw hat.   Farming time I thought as Annie yawned and poured her sludge.

“Miss me yet Slam,” Annie said getting close to me her grave stink was over whelming and the overhauls smelled like barn.   She kissed me on the cheek, and I could feel unshaved whiskers on her face.   She was a cat.   It was creepy.

“Yes Annie,” I replied.   I still wasn’t sure if she was pranking me or she had died and came back but all of it was weird.   I did miss the old Annie because it was bad then but I never thought it could get worse but Annie 2 point oh was proving me wrong.   It was only the begining.

 

 

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