“Hi Annie, Hi Annie Jr. ,” I said as I walked in the door.
“Hi Annie, Hi Annie Jr. ,” The Annie’s repeated.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“What’s going on?” They replied together.
“A couple parrot’s huh?” I asked.
Just then a couple parrots came flying out into the room and the Annie’s began yelling, “Polly want a cracker,” while they tossed handfuls of crackers at me. The parrots began diving at me with their wings flapping and tearing at me with their beaks and claws. Both the Annie’s were screaming, “Fly my pretties, Fly Fly!” A flock of birds came flying into the room; pigeons, crows, robins, owls, buzzards, Vultures, ducks, geese, and a few wood peckers. The Annie’s started tossing bird seed and pieces of corn, then Annie dumped a bucket of worms over my head. I screamed and ran for the bathroom, got the door shut and shooed a couple humming birds out the window. How does she plan these things really?
“Annie!?” I screamed through the locked door, ignoring the two hummingbirds tapping on the window with their beaks. “WHY would you do THAT? You know I am deathly afraid of birds!”
“You AREN”T!” Annie screamed.
“I am too!” I yelled back.
“You didn’t die! Your old mouth is yapping like a sheet on a willow tree.”
“Annie that doesn’t make sense but even if someone wasn’t afraid of birds why would you do that?”
“Cause you ruined my whole day SLAM!”
“How? I was not even here!”
“I was going to go to the casino with Duh-Wayne and Spam and BRUUUUUCCCCCEEE. And I am not old enough!” Annie whined.
“How is that my fault?” I asked.
“Cause if you had gotten me a few years earlier, I would have been old enough to go!”
“You weren’t born!” I screamed.
“Go ahead and deflect!” Annie snapped. “But don’t you worry, SLAM!” she hissed. “Life WILL change around here! BIGLY!”
The next day, I come home and I hear music playing before I even open the door. The floors and walls are shaking. There is a lady in my kitchen wearing a green tee-shirt with a picture of Spam on it. “Hi, I am Spam,” she said putting out her hand.
I shook her hand; a the little apron hung around her waist, in her other hand a tray with some sort of disgusting eyeballs on it. “Spam?” I asked.
“Yeah like Spic and Spam.”
I nodded my head and said, “Oh yeah, Annie’s friend Duh-Wayne’s wife right?”
She wrinkles her nose and says, “May I take your coat? If you have id you may enter the gaming floor.”
Gaming floor, I thought. I looked over at Annie Jr. and Janey playing a game on the floor.
“Where is Annie?” I asked them.
“On the gaming floor,” They both responded.
What gaming floor, I wondered. “Why aren’t you on the gaming floor?” I asked hinting for clues because I knew they probably wouldn’t tell me what the gaming floor was.
“We aren’t old enough,” Annie Jr. replied turning her head to look at me. She was wearing a pair of black horned rimmed glasses with a big nose and cheesy mustache. “Mom-mom is though.”
“Where are Snoopy and Norbert?” I asked.
“On the game floor,” they replied.
“But Snoopy is the same age as you, Janey,” I said.
“The age is lower for boys,” Janey replied.
Just then Annie came into the room. She was wearing a dark sparkly bathrobe and she had a pipe in her mouth. She blew into it every so often and bubbles would fill the room and pop. Then the room would fill with stench. Her stink bubbles!
“Slam darling!” Annie began. “Come onto the game floor, Sweetie. Spam more moose made, chop chop!”
Spam began filling a tray full of moose made bottles and Annie lead me into what used to be the living room. Somehow the room had gotten huge, it seemed endless and it was a gambling floor. People were all over play slot machines.
My boyfriend was sitting at a Smurf slot machine pulling the handle with a cheesy grin on his face and a bottle of moose made by his side. Rov and Slax where on either side of him with equally cheesy grins. Next to Rov was Jewel and Coral; each yanking a handle with greed in their eyes. Aunt Paulie and her friend Bori Kins were both yanking the handle of a Dumbo slot machine. Chad was on Aunt Paulie’s left also yanking a slot machine handle. Crazy music was going off in every direction.
On the other side of the room was my friend Smel along with Hari and Candi. Maddie was walking around with a glass of moose made mingling with people. Paul the homeless cat was there as were Lars and Kiko.
In the very center of the room, on a throne that leaned back and turned in every direction, surrounded by slot machines, was Duh-Wayne. He had a crown on and a orange cat that had the meanest look on it’s face. It looked at you and hissed a laugh out of the side of it’s face.
“Welcome to Duh-Wayne’s World!” Annie screamed. “Do you love it?”
“Annie what in god’s name?” I hollered looking around wondering how the room got so big and why it smelled so horrible.
“What did you suspect me to do? I wasn’t old enough to go with Duh-Wayne so, I made me old enough!” Annie said shrugging her shoulders.
Just then lights started dinging near Duh-Wayne. Chocolate candy began coming out of one of his machines. He began chomping it down like pac man as it flew out and into his chug hole. He lifted his leg and farted long and loud filling the air with the most obnoxious scent.
“Spam more tokens,” he yelled.
Spam quickly ran in and removed a bucket from under his throne. It was filled to the top with poop. Spam ran over put the bucket on a scale and as the scale rose more tokens came out and filled a little cup. She hurried back with the bucket and the cup full of tokens. Duh-Wayne continued pulling the handle and eating the chocolate. Lifting his leg every so often.
Some old lady in a corner, hit a jackpot and chocolate began pouring out of her machine. She munched it down and called for Spam. Spam grabbed her bucket and returned with more tokens. Everyone was eating chocolate and eyeballs and buckets of birds and drinking moose made. Everyone was pooping into buckets under their seats and calling for more tokens as their machines hit jackpots of chocolate.
The room smelt awful. There was a large vat of poop with hoses attached to it and the poop was flowing through the hoses rapidly.
“Annie why is everyone pooping?” I screamed, holding my nose.
“To pay for their tokens,” Annie explained.
“How are they pooping so much?” I hollered over the deafening sound of loud farts and bells going off.
“The candy is sex-lax, it makes them poop.” Annie said.
Just then Bruce, the chicken, crowed loudly from a corner. He grabbed three eggs out of his bucket, wiped them off on his shirt, put them into his purse and called Spam. Spam hurried over.
“Seven thousand gallons a poop so far and we have only been open two hours!” Annie bragged. “It’s a win win for Annastasia! Bigly!”
My eyes were burning from the smell of the reeking poop and farts. Chad lifted his leg and began to fart. A chunk of his poop flew across the room and landed on my shirt. Duh-Wayne asked if I was using it and before I could answer he wiped it off my shirt and flicked it into his bucket. His cat snickered out of the side of his mouth then, with a loud hiss jumped from his owners lap and began attacking me.
“Duh-Wayne’s world!” Annie sang as claws dug into my scalp.
I screamed and ran from the room. I put on a pair of black horned rimmed glasses with a big nose and black mustache then sat down with Annie Jr and Janey. It least it smelled better in this area. It only smelled bad when Annie entered with her bubble pipe and scented bubbles or Spam came to get more food. The scent of poop hovered around her. You could see the stink lines.
Annie shut everything down around two am and I opened the windows to let the stink out. I shuffled off to bed and tried to sleep. At seven am I shuffled back out. Duh-Wayne was already on his throne and Spam and Bruce were serving up breakfast. Spam and eggs. Thank god I had to work. Duh-Wayne’s world!