“Slam?” Annie began one day as she was thoughtfully sawing on her fiddle. “I’ve been thinking about my destiny.”
“Your destiny, your destiny is to be a cat and you stretched it.”
“No, not my fortune,” Annie said, “My destiny…my scooter, and the lawn mower I got dad for father’s day and the plow jeep…” Annie began.
“That was Dad’s lawn mower and Norbert’s plow jeep, ” I said.
“I won them in the poker game last night.” she said.
“Dad was at work. ” I contradicted her.
“It’s the official poker night place. I own your car too.”
“I think you mean a Dynasty Annie and you hardly have a Dynasty, with a scooter, some scrap metal and a car that isn’t even paid for.”
“What about my poop factory? Huh Slam? That is my destiny Slam and who will carry it on?” Annie screamed.
“Norbert,” I said. “He is your son.”
“NORBERT!” Annie shouted….”He’s as old and crickety as me. And he is getting my dementia and my room-a-tiz, and my dia-betus. Besides he never made me a SLAM because YOU got him fixed SLAM!”
“Annie you do not have dementia, rheumatism, or diabetes; although you should have diabetes with your diet. How about Snoopy he is smart and level headed and has been working in your factory without pay since he came to live with us or Janey she really loves you and pretty much runs the factory while you are doing other stuff like laying on the freezer watching tv.”
“Oh Slam who would do their jobs and they are nothing like me. I need a clone.” Annie sighed.
“You have a zillion of them,” I announced, slapping my face.
“But they don’t act like me,” she said and slowly slunk out of the room.
The next day, Annie came to me and said, “I have to go get my clone.”
“What?” I asked, looking at Annie like she was nuts.
“My clone, I made her and I will raise her and teach her to be exactly like me.”
“Annie really I don’t want anymore animals here.” I sighed.
“Well you don’t have a choice, Slam. So come on, lets go.”
“She is living under someone’s trailer up in Tugboat?”
“Why, you could have cloned her right here?” Annie so exasperates me.
“Where was I born, Slam?”
“Under someone’s trailer,” I sighed.
“Up in?” Annie prompted.
“You weren’t born there!” I said. “I don’t even know where Tugboat is.”
“Neither do I,” Annie replied.
“Wait…how did you…?”
“CURRY!” Annie screamed!
“Curry?” I was perplexed.
“My bestie from work, and Abe and Bryan her kids (they are girls), they live near Tugboat, up in the Wolfden area. You know up past where my mom lives.”
“Well we are going to your mom’s for her birthday this weekend,” I said.
“I want her now,” Annie screamed.
“Then teleport.” I stamped my foot.
Annie looked at me like I was stupid, and grabbed her cell phone, “Curry!” She yelled into the phone with her megaphone. “How are you Sweetie? Omg didn’t we have fun on the phones today. Too bad boring Slam was with us. Listen girlfriend, can you scoot up to Tugboat and climb underneath a trailer and get my clone, her name is Annie Jr. she looks like me and she scratches and bites. If Abe and Bryan will watch her over night I will let them pay me for it and you can bring her to me at work and I will take her home. ” (Pause) “No no Sweetie I have the next 7 months off…..okay see you in the morning Curry and hug Abe and Bryan for me.”
“Now it’s just like me,” Annie announced.
“What is just like you Annie?” I asked.
“What was my name before you got me?”
“Howard?” I said.
“No it was Albert or was that my grandfather. I never remember with my room-a-tiz. Anyways why was I named that?”
“I don’t know because your mother thought you were a boy?” I asked.
“No because she thought I was a girl!” Annie said. “So that makes it the same.”
“Is this kitten a boy?”
“No…Slam. Duh. It’s the same cause fremember, I lived under a trailer, and some guy at your job brought you to me? And some guy at work is bringing Annie jr. to me.”
“But Curry is a girl.”
Annie looks at me sideways like I am dumb…”And” I said, “I wasn’t besties with that guy at my old job.”
“You aren’t besties with Curry either,” Annie said. “And tell Itchy thanks for her mother’s nephew’s uncle’s stepsister’s husband’s brother’s cousin-in-law, Henrietta for letting me clone Annie jr. under his porch. And DO NOT talk to anyone that was in our class…including Snora the trainer, while I am on vacation. THEY ARE MY FRIENDS! And do not talk to Annie Jr. either. I don’t want anyone talking to her or touching her, she is MINE! Now my dia-bet-us is acting up thanks Slam!”
So now we have an Annie Jr. in the house and no one will talk to me at work. My life with Annie.