It started Sunday. I hear it and pay no mind at first. “Here son, take a piece of this cat food, Momma only licked it once.” Then, “I know our mom abandoned us, here with sweet little Slamma, but I will always be your momma, Moo. I’m older I will take care of you.”
Annie hates Moo denies that Moo is her ‘sister’, gets her in trouble all the time like telling her that although Dad said she couldn’t poop on the floor he didn’t say she couldn’t poop in his slipper and NOW she us Moo’s Momma and I am sweet little slamma, when not fifteen minutes early she threw a broom at me and said, “Get cleaning Slam-er-ella!”
I knew something was up but it took a little bit more for it to dawn on me. I heard, “Come here, sweet little Janey, let Momma lick your fur and smooth it down in the front. How is Momma’s beautiful girl,” Annie purrs as she starts grooming Janey. Then, “Sure Snoop, Momma will shoot hoops with you and watch the game later. Want me to make buckets of birds, we can have a family night….Momma and her babies, watching the game.” Then I knew, I looked at the calendar, ‘Mother’s Day’ is a week away.
She does it every year, becomes this loving Mother to everyone. She actually goes around the neighborhood and tells the feral cats that she is their long lost Mother and she restocks her supply of dead birds and mice.
All week long she has been gaining the love and affection of the other pets. She helped Janey every night with her home work. I heard her patiently saying, “No Janey 2+2 is 5 Sweetie.” Janey went from straight A’s to straight F’s. She went to Snoopy’s thing at school some Mommy Muffin day or something. She ate all the Muffin’s slurped her tea, and adopted 18 of Snoopy’s classmates. She bought that same junky plow jeep she gave me for my birthday from the junk yard with my credit card for Norb to fix up. It’s in the driveway again and a family of skunks rented out the rear. And Moo, Annie cuddles with her all day long, actually one her clones or ‘colognes’ as Annie says it, does. Annie says, “Cuddling, ain’t nobody got time for that.” Then she starts dancing and singing, “Ain’t nobody got time for that ain’t nobody got time ain’t nobody got time,” until I scream.
Cards filled with money, packages with dead animals, costumes made from skinned road kill and even a set of wings made from a zillion and one different birds come daily for Annie from her children, her adopted children, her factory workers (she has been spending lots of time with her ‘work children’ they call her Momma A). Stuff comes from all over the world.
She is playing this Mom thing to the hilt. She is currently wearing an apron making my kitchen look like a war zone. She is making 4 and 20 black bird pie. Only a couple more days of this stuff.
Cat Mother’s day is always on Saturday and it has to be done by 7 am. Breakfast in bed and everything. Once she has opened all of her present and complained about every single one stating that no one loves her and throws her breakfast in everyone’s face, then yells, “Get Away from me you idiots! I disown you all.” Every year the same thing and they all fall for it. Even the feral cats believe year after year she is their long lost mother. Her haul gets larger and larger every year.
The rest of the day is spent buttering me up. I am Sweetie Slamma Jamma for a whole day.
It’s going to be a long weekend. So looking forward to Mother’s Day; NOT!