One time, a long time ago, before I had my grand daughter Morganna or my grand daughter Phil, it was just me and K8 and it was way before K8 was 8, because she is 8 now. Annie thinks she should call her K9 because she is almost 9 but K8 is gr8 sounds good but K9 is gr9 doesn’t make sense and she never called her K7.
Anyway, this one time, a long time ago, K8 and I were walking down the road with three dogs. There was Rosa, a little Spanish dog, and Moo, a foolish acting, typical run of the mill brown dog, and Lily a well educated older dog with salt and pepper colored hair. It was time for these three little dogs to find their own homes.
As they walked, they came up on a dog, name Kiko, who was selling a load of straw. Rosa, jumped and exclaimed, “That is zactly what I need to builda leeettle casa. I eat my taco’s and read Skippy John Jones and watch ze bull fights on my big screen tv!”
K8 and I said, “No Rosa, big bad Annie will come and knock it down. You need a stronger house; a house made of steel.”
“No, no amigos, this straw will work just fine. I need to hurry, my stories start at noon.”
So Rosa quickly put together an elaborate looking home made completely out of straw and in a matter of minutes the enticing smell of dog food tacos filled the air. Moo sniffed the air and exclaimed, “I wish I had straw too.”
As if like magic, Kiko appeared about a 100 feet up the road with a huge load of sticks. “No, sticks are better,” Moo yelled and ran quickly towards Kiko and his enticing variety of house building materials.
K8 and I ran after her, and before we could even make it to her, the house was already built and Moo was curled up in a huge comfy looking chair, her computer in front of her, a cell phone in her hand, and a huge stack of bones next to her which she crunched quickly like pop corn. “Big Bad Annie, Moo!” K8 yelled. “This house is nice but not strong!”
“Phsaw,” said Moo, waving her paw fingers at us bone crumbs flying all over the place.
Lily finally caught up to us, pulling the strap of her red purse over her shoulder and adjusting her bright purple hat that matched her sunshine yellow sun dress. She looked at Moo’s house adjusted her glasses closer to the end of her nose and went, “Tisk tisk,” making the shame sign with her paw fingers.
“Oh look, there is Kiko!” Lily exclaimed. “And he has a load of feathers.”
“Kiko,” Lily called as her green little heels pounded the road as she walked in a dignified manner, towards Kiko. “You can’t build a house out of feathers!”
“You can’t?” Kiko screamed back.
“No,” we all hollered.
“But Annie said….” Kiko began.
“No!” Lily said firmly. “I need a load of steel.”
“Yes,” Lily nodded.
“Oh STEEL!” Kiko nodded rapidly and a load of steel large enough for a good sized house enough for Lily’s rows and rows of book cases, her harp and her grand piano, and the big grandfather clock that chimed softly on every hour.
The roar of a engine cut through the quiet air, a bull dozer made its way down the road we had just walked, driven by a black and white cat with a bright orange hard hat, she had a mega phone and she was yelling but we couldn’t hear what she was yelling over the roar of her trusty steed.
Thankful, Lily was completely comfortable, and entertaining friends already. Tea was being served to her friends, Biggy (a handsome grey tiger cat) and Joe M. (a short, bespectacled, crazy haired guy, who wore a back pack and road a bike; three wheeled, 50 or more miles a day.) A fire blazed in the fire place although the day was warm, Mozart played softly in the back ground, as the clock chimed softly twelve times, three pipes had been light and Joe M. was dramatically reading a book from 1932 that no one in the whole world even knew existed, other than him.
The bull dozer, (with a face drawn on it making the front end look like huge teeth complete with big eyes, and a big black snout, the whole thing was covered in fur and across the front, is written, Big Bad Annie, and smoke can be seen coming out of a fur covered tail pipe that wagged back and forth,) came to a sputtering halt and we could hear Annie yelling into her megaphone, “Little dog little dog let me in,” while hammering on the door as hard as she could.
“Not by the hair of my eary ear ear,” Rosa yelled back.
“Then I will knock your house down with my bulldozer.” Annie screamed, hopping quickly into the seat of her house destructor and turned the key. Smoke came out of the smoke stack ears, filling the air with the scent of cooked poop, (custom made bulldozers compliments of Annie’s factory.) Rosa escaped the back door with a handful of nacho’s and her remote, tripping over chunks of straw as she made her way to her nearest neighbor, Moo.
Kiko pulled up in a dump truck and he and Annie gathered up the nacho’s, burrito’s the TV, three Skippy John Jones books (cause everyone loves Skippy) and the taco maker and tossed them in the truck then made their way to the next house on the road.
Moo, totally engrossed in a breaking news article on her favorite news website, about a crazy black and white cat, along with a fat brown lab; knocking down houses in the neighborhood with a bulldozer and stealing their belongings, heard someone banging on her door. She walked backwards reading her super huge computer screen as she walked. She opened the door and Rosa rushed in screaming something about a cat bulldozing down her house.
“Calm down, calm down,” Moo pats Rosa’s back. “What’s going on?”
“A loco cat, just knocked down mi casa with a bulldozer.” Rosa panted.
“Is that all?” Moo sighed. “Look at this,” she jumped up and down wagging her tail in a scared sort of fashion, pointing at the website on her computer. “There is a crazed cat knocking down houses with a bulldozer.”
Just then the roar of engines were drowned out by the honking of several horns and Annie screaming into a megaphone that was amplified by a huge speaker. “Little dog little dog let me in!” filled the air and was so loud the leaves on the trees shook. To make it even worse, Annie had just filled her mouth with a handful of corn chips and she crunched as she spoke. Not a nice sound to hear, especially through a megaphone that is plugged into an amp.
“Not by the hair of my taily tail tail,” Moo who was still covering her ears yelled back, sounding sort of funny. We all were, we were deaf.
“What?” Annie responded 17 times over and over, making our ear drums throb, until she realized she still had her ear plugs in. She laughed took them out, put down the megaphone and asked one final time. “What?”
“Not by the hair of my taily tail tail,” Moo replied tossing a bucket of water onto Rosa who had fainted, looking over her shoulder at the news article muttering softly, “I am so afraid of that cat coming,” all the while nervously chomping bones.
“Then I will bull doze down your house,’Annie turned the key and floored it. Rosa sputtered awakened with the water, in the nick of time and escaped with out the back door, flying down the hill towards the beckoning call of a rambling old voice, screeching out various voices as he orated dialogue.
Kiko and Annie, put up umbrella’s to protected their hard hat covered heads from raining sticks and twigs as they gathered up dog bones, cell phones and the computer where the words ‘breaking news’ still flashed. Annie stopped collecting things that struck her fancy, to look at Moo’s ringing phone in her hand. “Oh Hi Mom,” she said, answering it out of habit. “Nothing, just hanging out with Kiko. Why am I answering Moo’s phone…” she turned the phone over in her hand, noticing finally that it was not her phone and said, “Hanging with Kiko and Moo. Well nice to hear from ya. Love ya mom bye.” She put the number on ignore. Then began her final reign of terror.
“Hogler!” A deep male voice screeched in a feminine manner. “This tea is hardly tepid.” A poorly preformed, old English began, a “Sorry Mum,” when it was cut short by a banging on the door. Lily calmly scuffed across the floor, long ago putting on a couple pairs of comfy slippers.
As the door swung open, Rosa and Moo scrambled inside as the bulldozer tore up earth behind it as it barreled down the hill. “A cat knocked down my house, and one knocked down Rosa’s house and there is a cat in the neighborhood knocking down houses,” Moo yelled as she sprinted towards the coffee table to gobble down some liver pate’ that was sitting undisturbed next to the tea and little crackers.
“It’s true Senoria,” Rosa jumped around excitedly as she scanned the room for a tv.
Lily rolled her eyes and said, “I predicted this correctly.”
Then we covered our ears, as we waited for the deafening sound of Annie. We heard nothing. Nothing for several minutes, then a voice came through a speaker. “Little dog little dog let me in!”
Lily laughed, “Sound proof,” she explained before she responded, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin. Chinny chin chin? No I don’t like that at all,” Lily shook her head. “I don’t even have a chin do I?”
Annie gave no warning she simply drove her bulldozer full steam into the steel house. The bull dozer hit the house and vibrated the bulldozer so hard shook Annie out of her seat. “Kiko!” She screamed, “This AIN’T FEATHERS! WHAT did I TELL YOU?”
“She wanted steel.” Kiko replied.
“STEEL? YOU IDIOT! THERE IS NO ONE DUMBER THAN YOU! Except…”
Annie knocked on the door. “Who is it?” Moo asked as she passed by the door on her way to the kitchen. “Dog food sales man,” Annie cooed sweetly through the door. “Free Samples!”
“Free Samples!” Moo cried as she flung open the door.
Annie came bursting through the door laughing her crazy laugh, yelling, “Ah HA!” as she jumped from place to place looking around. She stopped suddenly and said, “Books! A Harp! No one wants this! Lily you are so lame. So lame. ”
She grabbed the purple hat and put it on top of her hard had, adjusted it once and then, Annie stamped out the door, and stamped even harder when I told her she had to give everything back. Rosa and Moo wound up staying with Lily. Since Annie was grounded from using her dump truck and bulldozer and she was mad at Kiko she decided to grow some locks…and dye them golden.