As, I mentioned before Annie loves watching those icky video’s of pimple popping. The grosser they are the more she loves them. She watches them over and over again watching the number of views increase. Seeking her own sort of popularity she decided that perhaps she should have her own video.
I first, got wind of all of this when I noticed Annie’s backside was all wet. At first, I thought she had wet herself. She does that from time to time like the time she snuggled all close up next to me in bed and then I feel something warm and wet on me, then Annie says, “Sorry Slam lost control of my bladder.” I jumped up out of bed, covered in stinky cat pee, all my bedding not to mention my bed is covered in it and I scream, “What in the name of all that is holy are you thinking Annie?” Her response, “My dementia is acting up Slam. I thought I was wearing my depends.” “You’ve never worn depends, Annie.” “Cause you!” She screamed, “Have never bought them for me!”
Since she had been laying in her favorite cupboard, I figured she had peed herself in there. She does it all the time; randomly pees where ever. I bought her depends, and she refuses to wear them stating she is too young and too old to think even of wearing diapers. So I am down in the cupboard sniffing around, giving Annie the perfect opportunity to hit me in the rear end three or four times with ‘Lucy’. “Only walkers Annie,” I scream as she whacks my butt rapidly with her barb wire covered bat. “Walkers aren’t real Slam!” Annie screams laughing her crazy laugh.
Not smelling anything foul in the cupboard, I turn to Annie who is rolling around on the table laughing and yell, “Annie why is your rear end all wet?” I see it then, this huge pimple right near Annie’s rear end.
“I ordered a pimple off the internet so Kiko and I could make a video of us popping it. It’s already got a zillion views!” She said excitedly.
“You haven’t even popped it yet?” I screamed.
“Yes we did, Slam, watch,” and she starts playing the video. All you can see is the zit, it’s so huge that you can’t even see Annie. Next I see my salad tongs, the ones I just used an hour ago, pressing down on the zit. “My salad tongs? Annie why?” I start gagging. “Do I have fingers Slam? Does Kiko?” I roll my eyes and look back at the video, just in time to see this yucky green gooze forming at the top of the zit.
“OMG Annie that is green! Bright green!” I am shocked thinking she bought some sort of gangrene zit.
“Duh Slam, I put food coloring in it?” Annie responds like it’s perfectly normal to put food coloring into a zit you bought off the internet and somehow put on your rear end.
“Why?” I blurt out knowing I should never ask.
“OMG Slam you are the dumbest person, this side of the old Mississipp, the old Man, the old Miss…” I wait for it. “So it tastes better!” she exclaims.
Then Kiko starts licking the ooze coming out and he squeezes it again, this time it pops out like a volcano, and Kiko is licking like crazy….one more squeeze and I can finally see Annie and the room and my bed….MY BED! I run from the room, and see it green pus and blood all over my bed, all over the room and Kiko on the ceiling with suction cups on his feet licking it from the ceiling fan.
Annie wanders in with a trail of the icky gooze following behind her, like a line of thick green and red festive Christmas pudding. She is laughing and screaming, “You’ll eat for a week Kiko,” as Kiko continues lapping at the dripping foul smelling gunk dripping slowly from the ceiling onto my bed.
A knock at the door, interrupts Kiko’s lick and he starts barking making the slime covering his move spray around the room like a crazy squirt gun. Annie runs to the door, and screams, “Chad is here, video number two begins now. Get the tongues Kiko!”
I groan inwardly, then I hear Annie say, “Chad you are wearing those depends? You have die-a-rear again? This will be GREAT, get to popping Kiko!” I hear a familiar Chad fart and know that poop is decorating my kitchen again, then I hear a huge pop and Kiko’s lapping tongue.
My life with Annie!